Silence of the Honeybears

Hi!

2005-04-12T19:33:00.000-07:00

This blog scrolls top-to-bottom for your convenience. The earliest posts will be at the top, and the last entry will be at the bottom.

As such, please disregard all dates but none of the times. =)

Faithful readers:

2005-04-11T06:02:00.000-07:00

A few notes for the Honeybear layman before we begin:

Honeybears can best be identified by their rich golden color and sassy personalities. They are not to be mistaken with their close but less common relatives, the Honeyhummingbird or the Honeyllama.
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These creatures are also quite aggressive, and one should watch one's fingers when opening or closing the cap, lest one be pinched or dribbled upon. Also, many many hand-washings are a given.
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Take everything with a grain of salt! Honeybears are known to wax eloquent when they know the camera is on them. Don't be surprised if you see one or more strike a vogue pose in front of the lens.

And...enjoy.

EN GARDE!

2005-04-10T07:50:00.000-07:00

This morning I was awoken by the sounds of a scuffle. I sprang from my bed and followed the noises, finally tracking them to a large houseplant settled on my dresser. It seemed a few of the Honeybears from the pod (or 'meal') I had been observing had come to tussle on the battlefield of my dressertop. I have dubbed them 'Hannibal Lectorbear', 'Questionable Morals bear', and 'Spice Bear'. It was over almost before it began, though, when Lectorbear and Questionable Morals bear seized the upper hand and forced poor Spice Bear to eat a bug.

Poserbear, We Salute You

2005-04-09T15:32:00.000-07:00

I have spotted another potential member of the meal I've been studying. He repeatedly attempts to insinuate himself into the pack by dressing like and acting similarly to the rest of the meal. His differences, however, are only highlighted by his foolish actions and have become glaringly obvious to everyone around him. I believe I shall call this pseudo-bear 'Poserbear'.

QMB? QMB?

2005-04-08T19:19:00.000-07:00

Questionable Morals Bear has disappeared. All the usual suspects have been interrogated, but nearly everyone has a convincing alibi. Except Lectorbear, who could not recall where he had been for the past 48 hours. When the other bears tactfully probed further, he just made an odd 'sft sft sft sffft' noise and rolled away.

2005-04-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

My sister called from her stint documenting the mating habits of My Little Ponies in South America. She asked my how my research was coming and I told her fine except for the times we ran out of Goo-B-Gone. She said she found an excellent site that should really help me out if I wanted to get some insider information about the Honeybear species.

My sister is a fiend.

2005-04-06T12:27:00.000-07:00

In a hilarious yet tragic turn of events, I've just found out that my family killed and ate Lectorbear this morning at breakfast. Goodbye, poor Lectorbear. We bearly knew ye.

2005-04-05T17:17:00.000-07:00

In a brilliantly conceived experiment I conducted earlier today, 'Roachzilla' was introduced into the Honeybear meal during their sleepy midday siesta. Panic ensued. Honeybears went skittering left and right, buildings were toppled, the meal's peacekeepers were helpless to control the hysterical and mindless crowd of Honeybears threatening to mob them...in retrospect, I may have left too many variables to chance.

In the final tally, Spice bear became Roachzilla's first victim (after being sauteed in his own cinnamon, how terrible), Poserbear jumped out a nearby window, and 'Easter Bunny Bear' was trampled behind the couch.

I think I shall label this experiment 'What Happens When You Introduce Roachzilla to a Sleepy Siesta Of Bears'.

(Cookie)

2005-04-04T20:15:00.000-07:00

Smart@$$ bear has left me the fortune to his fortune cookie.

I approve.

But what's WRONG with

2005-04-03T21:59:00.000-07:00

I am missing several books from my bedroom bookcase. My dog is illiterate and I suspect my younger sisters are as well. The only logical culprits, then, (dismissing my parents, any recent visitors, the maid, thieves, accidents and other things of that nature) are the Honeybears. They must have been desperately thirsting for knowledge, because hauling even the lightest of paperbacks is a Herculean task for a butterball Honeybear.

Upon further investigation, it was the Honeybears. The ringleader calls herself 'ArtisticMerit bear' and will gag any passerbies with nonsense about color, theme, and the virtues of Tria markers. If she keeps this up she will become 'SeriouslyFlattened bear'.

She has dubbed the majority of my mini-library 'garbage crap' and has taken it upon herself to revamp my collection. She suggests 'Nine Stories' by J. D. Salinger, 'Odyssey of a Cockroach' by Yoko Ono, and 'Four Arguments for the Elimination of Television' by Jerry Mander (?). If I sprang for it, here are some other interesting books I might check out. Of course, the final say belongs to me, as I am the only one with a credit card and a Paypal account. I am tempted to buy the entire Animorphs set just to see her splutter.

2005-04-02T15:37:00.000-08:00

Today I sent a transcript of my research off to Stanford. I hope they will appreciate my hard work and tireless efforts to help the world understand more about the outrageous yet oddly subdued animal that is the common American Honeybear. If I move on to bigger and better things in my lifetime (like the reclusive Marshmallow Chick) I know I will always remember them, those...Honeybears in the mist.

The Not-So-Key Players

2005-04-01T10:50:00.000-08:00

These 'cameo' bears were rarely if ever sighted near the meal of bears I studied, but I feel they can still provide us with important contextual information about the lifestyles and variety of the many Honeybear subspecies.
I give you:

(Many thanks to everyone who helped design a bear <3 ) And thank you for coming!